Pappa wants mamma naked
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
