Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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