she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
