ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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