quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
