I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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