I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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