do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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