the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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