READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
