Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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