I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As shirtless as possible
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
