Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
