Well apparently he's into motor boating.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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