I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
