You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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