I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
