I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
