Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
