so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
