Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
