how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
