we have pet lesbian snakes
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy sore nipples Batman
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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