After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
