I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
