my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
