Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
