it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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