And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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