can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
