And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't deserve a penis
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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