I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Send help, water and tortillas.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
