wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
