I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
