dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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