I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
