Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
