You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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