this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
