wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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