I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
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