my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
