a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
