Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
