i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
