between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
