it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
