I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
