i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
