i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
