I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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