its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
