do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
