apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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