You smell like stripper and shame
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
