dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
