I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So many bounce houses so little time
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
