you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
