Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
