You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
