Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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