I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
