Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
